I never like starting out with a blank blog. It seems such a daunting task to start to put all of your feelings/stories/comments on a page with no guidance. I have started many blogs only to give up within the first few posts as I didn't know what to say.
It's a little like my first feelings about adoption. When thinking about adoption, I am so overwhelmed with the thought of the task that I am unsure of how to start or what to do. Thankfully, I have found an abundance of resources in that area as well as overwhelming support from friends and family and we are fully invested in the fact that we WILL be adopting a child from China.
How we ended up with adoption:
I have always had the thought of adoption in the back of my mind. As a social worker, I worked with foster childern for several years after I first graduated from college. Seeing the loss and pain the children had been through broke my heart. I figured that someday Greg and I would adopt domestically through the county, but God had other plans.
Greg and I have always felt that we should have 4 children. After having 3 and losing 3 to miscarriage, I was done. I couldn't handle the fact that there was a great possibility of losing another child if we had more. We both struggled with this for a long time before we agreed that it was best for our family to stop at 3 amazing kids. This never fully sat right with me though, and the more we discussed it, the more Greg and I realized that even though we could no longer birth a child, we could certainly love and care for another child through adoption. What was adding one more to our crazy little brood.
I don't even remember when I began researching international adoption, but I do know that one of my former co-workers has been a huge influence on me in that area. Watching her passion for special needs international adoption and learning more about it through her made me see the extreme need. I initially looked into Europe for adoption, but it didn't feel right. When I started looking about adoption in China, I had a peace that could have only come from God. I was worried though. Would my husband share the excitment and calling that I felt? I give in to worry too easily and was nervous to find out his reaction. My worries were unfounded though as Greg was on board with the idea.
The first step:
I began researching adoption agencies and found one that I thought would suit our family. We excitedly filled out the pre-application form and submitted it to the agency. I waited several days with no contact from the agency so I decided to take matters into my own hands and call. I spoke with a woman from the agency that matter of fact informed me that since I have a diagnosis of depression, that our family would not be able to adopt from China and to pick another country. Had I heard God wrong? Was I mistaking my desires for what God wanted? I have to admit that I was crushed for about a day. I gave in to the pity and anger of being shoved into a category because of a depression diagnosis that I had no control over. I then turned to God in prayer which I should have done first. Peace began to come back. I also turned to an amazing group of women that I am a part of on Facebook. I do not know most of the women in real life. We have come together from all over the US and Canada initially to discuss holiday deals, but branched out to share frustrations, joys and every day life with each other. I posted about my brokenness over being denied China and was met with many kind and helpful responses. Several had been through the adoption process or had known someone that had. One informed me that there were actually waivers that could be completed for everything other than minimum age and suggested that another adoption agency may be more helpful. Hope came back.
I researched agencies that people I had spoken to had actually used. H adoption agency(name removed due to confidentiality reasons) had many positive stories from people I found throughout the internet. They were more than helpful with starting the adoption process. I was able to schedule a webinar to review the adoption process for China and go over everything we would need to grow our family. Signing up for the webinar is such a small thing, but it felt like a step forward. We also submitted out applcation and first payment towards the adoption. There are many, many more steps to come and I'm sure we will have larger setbacks to overcome. I do know for a fact though that my sweet little daughter is waiting for her Mommy, 7000 miles away, and I cannot wait to meet her.
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