Patience

Being me, I was getting impatient to find out what was going to happen with Haylie. The other family had until tomorrow to make their decision, but I couldn't wait any longer. I sent an email to social worker K to find out if she had heard anything.

Now, I probably should have started off by saying that I was not having the best of days. It was just one of those days where tons of little things were just not going the way they were supposed to go. I was struggling to get out of my bad mood and hoping for some good news. When the phone rang a few minutes later, I knew it wasn't good.

K was calling. She stated that she never liked giving bad news through email and wanted to call to let me know that the other family wanted Haylie. I was actually surprised that when she told me, I was ok. I was not upset and it didn't make my heart hurt. I was happy that Haylie had found a family even if it wasn't us. I was calm and ok. I was worried about Greg as he was really attached to Haylie. He tried hard not to become too attached as he knew the probability of us getting her was low.

K then said that she did have some good news for us. Monday was the day where agencies are assigned new children. She said that Holt was given a new child that they thought we would like. She sounded a lot like Haylie according to K. She has a cleft as well as a heart issue. She immediately thought of us when they got her file as we were willing to take another child with the same issues. K also gave me an update of a few other girls that we were interested in seeing their files. I told her that we would love to review the file.

About an hour or so later, I got another call from K. She told me that she had not seen the pictures of the child(they are calling her "Tessa") and that the pictures had finally come over to her. She was pleasantly surprised that Tessa looked completely "normal." She does not have a cleft lip, only a cleft palate along with the heart issue. I was not concerned either way, but this will be one less surgical fix she will have to endure.

I ran over to my computer after I got off of the phone and pulled up Tessa's file. I waited to look at her pictures until last as I didn't want to bias myself towards or against her due to looks. She is about 20 months old. I actually think that she is older as the report from when she was found at 2 months old said she had 7 teeth. Maybe that is possible, but I have never heard of a 2 month old having 7 teeth. She was very malnourished and I think they guessed her birthday wrong.

Anyway, as far as I can tell her heart issue looks minor and her cleft palate is fixable. She sounds like a normal functioning toddler. Her speech is behind, but so is Griffin's speech so I'm not worried about that. She had an update from earlier this month which is GREAT to have such updated info. I looked at her pictures after reading all of the information and she is just a doll.

 

 

 



Greg and I decided that we would have her file looked at by Dr. K to see if she picks up on anything that we didn't. I emailed K to let her know what we were doing. She responded back with a list of home study agencies that partner with them in the area and told us that the China team was sure that they could get our family through the approval process and they want us to start our home study. How awesome is that!!

If you haven't figured it out by now, I am not the most patient person in the world. I don't like waiting and not knowing. A friend of mine posted a statement on Facebook that really made me think.

"Pretty sure God didn't ask Abraham to wait for Isaac to be born for God's account. Obeying & waiting is hard."

How true, especially for me. I'm still working on the obeying and waiting patiently part. Even if we say yes to Tessa, there will be some wait and I am sure there will be more obstacles. I'm even more certain that I will learn so much during the rest of this process. I can't wait to see what God does in our lives. And there I go being impatient again.

 

One Less

Man, where to begin? The day after my last post I received a call from our adoption worker, K. We spent over an hour talking and it was so refreshing. Things are more easily explained on the phone rather than in email and we were able to discuss all of our options. We discussed Elizabeth and why she did not feel that she was right for our family. She had a little more information than we did(would have been nice to know when she turned us down the first time, but I digress) and I agree that she sounds a little much for us.

After speaking with K for a while, she mentioned that the other family that had showed interest in Haylie had asked for an update and was requesting specific information from the orphanage and Haylie's doctor. As we are also interested in Haylie, the agency will pass the info to us when they receive it. K also mentioned that they had requested Kirsten's file for us to review and wanted to know if we were interested in any of the other kids at her foster home. Talk about confusion. So, is there still a little hope that we could get Haylie? Should we keep looking or wait? Looking at multiple children at the same time is so strange. We were told to try to stay impartial during this process, but really how is that possible when you are looking for a child to join your family?

Today we received the update. The other family asked very pointed questions with some of them being a little different. They asked a lot of questions about her cognitive status, learning potential, and wanted an updated echo. All reports were favorable including the echo. Apparently her heart decided to repair itself. She is no longer on any heart medications and no hole was detected. They included 2 updated pictures as well.

Look at that sweet little face. How could you not fall in love?
We were informed that if the other family passes on her after reviewing the update, we could submit our info to China to adopt her. The other family has one week to decide. Waiting is torture. Trying not to hope is worse. No matter the outcome, she will have a family and that is what really matters. One less orphan in this world.

In other news, we are starting our first fundraiser. Who knew you could raise money with shoes? There is an organization that will give you a certain amount of time to collect at least 10,000 pairs of shoes. They will then weigh them and give you a per pound amount. I am really excited to start fundraising and use that money to bring our daughter(whoever that may be) home.

Again and Again

Well, my frustration level has definitely not gone down over the past week, but I am beginning to think that adoption in general must just be frustrating.

We heard from the adoption worker that one of the other families was interested in Haylie and she suggested another child for us as they would be chosen for her. Unfortunately, the other child had an issue that we as a family do not think that we would be able to capably care for. So the search for our daughter begins again.

I have seen her sweet little face many times on the Internet among the many facebook and yahoo adoption groups that I am part of. I had never considered her as her bio said she may have progeria(rapid aging - think Jack with Robin Williams). Recent genetic testing shows that she is negative for progeria, but could have another genetic disorder.

She does have other medical issues, but without reviewing her file she looks like a child that we could work with. I emailed the adoption worker to see if we could find out what country she was in and the requirements. While waiting for a reply back, I was able to find out that she is currently in S. Korea(happens to be the most expensive place to adopt from). We may need a waiver for my medications, but I am not sure yet. I would definitely need a waiver for my weight and Greg would need a dr clearance letter(already have) overall not too bad in my opinion.

Well, about 2 hours later we heard back from the adoption worker again. I am beginning to dread reading my email right about now as the news is never good. The worker doesn't think that we would be a good match as we already have 3 young kids and she may have a genetic syndrome(Um, so may Haylie). So, a big fat NO for that child. The worker then reported that she would find out tomorrow which family Haylie will go to. I'm a little confused though as we have already been told that we cannot get her. *Insert exasperated face here.*

Picking out a child is such a strange concept. We did not have a choice in what disorders our biological children have. In fact, my kids look dreadful on paper when you look at their medical issues. I may not have chosen them if I was just looking at them on paper. I don't have any problem taking care of or loving them though. I find it so difficult that someone is evaluating my parenting skills and ability to care for a child when they know absolutely nothing about me.

Once we finally have our daughter safely in our arms, I know that none of this will matter. I know I need to allow God to strengthen me and look at all of the negatives in a good light. Knowing and doing are two different things. I do daily chose to start fresh with the process and stay positive only to find I have yet again given in to the frustrations of my human flesh. I'm still working on fully trusting God in the situation that He has the perfect addition to our family in mind. I am just eternally impatient. Thank goodness for a God that gives me a chance, again and again.

Dr. K

* I started this postover a week ago and forgot I never finished. Whoops!

Tuesday was quit a busy day. Training all morning at work, then rushed off to G3's annual Help Me Grow evaluation, then rushed off to meet with Dr. K to go over Haylie's file, back to work, and then finally home. Phew, what a day.

I didn't know what to expect when meeting with Dr. K, but I was plesantly surprised. Dr. K has adopted in the past(her youngest is now 20) and spends a great amount of time traveling and doing mission work. She and her husband have fostered 4 children from various countries including China. They would foster the child until they had heart surgery and could return home. Dr, K spent almost 2 hours going over the file with us and explaining everything including the creative ways that different problems are worded to disguise.

So deciphering all of the adoption speak: Haylie is old to have her cleft lip and palate fixed, but it should be an easy surgery. Her speech is very behind as it is hard to talk with her mouth the way it is. After the repair, she should be able to work with speech therapy and learn to speak. It will take time, but it will come. The cranial facial doctor will want her to have surgery within the first few weeks of being home(assuming we are chosen as her parents).

Haylie's height and weight were very good for her age especially with the cleft. Dr. K said that kids as old as she is that have the same problem are usually under weight and malnourished as most of them are not resourceful enough to figure out how to eat properly. She is apparently eating mostly normally.

The one part of the file that I was most worried about was the heart condition. Dr. K explained how there was a small hole in the left ventricle and blood flow was interrupted. She spoke with the cardiologist who agreed with her that the echo and heart studies were showing that the hole was closing on it's own and it should not be much of a problem if at all.

Dr. K was able to explain so many of the specific medical things we would need to do if we end up with Haylie. It was good to meet with someone so knowledgeable. Once we have a travel date for our child, she will link us up with the appropriate team of specialists who will go over even more specifics as to what will happen when she gets home. As much as I dislike Children's Hospital due to many issues with G3, I have to say that we live in an amazing area of the country if you need medical assistance with an adopted child. Everything medical is so close by and easily accessed. So, the weather sucks here in Ohio, but we have great doctors.

Even with all of the good news about Haylie, I am struggling with being extremely frustrated with our adoption agency. We had several emails back and forth with them on Tuesday. We told them that we would like to pursue the adoption of Haylie and we were informed that 2 other families had requested her file at this point. Basically, if either of those families would chose to pursue Haylie then they would get her over us as we are at the bottom of the barrel so to speak due to my medication. Now I know that God is in control of this situation and if we are not the family for Haylie or she is not the daughter for us than it will be ok, but I am still frustrated with them. They knew we were paying quite a lot of money to have her file reviewed and 5 minutes before we met with the doctor, I received an email informing us that it was great that we were reviewing her file with the doctor as we will now know about heart conditions and can use that information when looking for another child. I know adoption is very political and agencies don't want to have their 100% success rate diminished by having China turn us down, but it is so frustrating.