So much has happened in the past 3 months. I've been putting off updating the blog as everything is hard to put into words.
We completed all of our training and learned a lot. We have been practicing some of the new discipline techniques with out current kids. It will be interesting to say the least.
All 4 of our home study visits were completed by our home study social worker. Everything seemed to go well. We requested and paid for all of our supporting documentation and turned it over to the HS agency. Our home inspection by the fire marshal and the social worker passed. We got all of our medical documentation completed and turned in as well. That was a feat on its own as we had to have our doctors re-do their statements about 4 times. Then the call came:
The social worker asked if we could come in to meet with her and her supervisor. I asked if this was a bad thing and she evaded my question. Greg and I went in the next day and were met by our social worker, her supervisor and the head of the program. The entire meeting was strange to say the least. The supervisor explained that the social worker did not feel that she could approve the HS yet. They wanted to wait and re-evaluate our family again in a year. We were shocked as we had no indication of anything prior to the meeting. No concerns had been raised so far. When we asked why they were making this decision, we were given multiple answers. They were worried as Gavyn had recently been diagnosed with selective antibody syndrome (she takes a daily antibiotic for this) and they want to see how her disease progresses. They stated that Greg was too new a diabetic (he was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago and is completely under control), they were worried about me working hours at a second job and my mental health as well as the fact that we do not have 30K saved up for the adoption. We did not understand these concerns as we turned in medical documentation about Gavyn and Greg's medical conditions and their treatment plans, my 2nd job is only temporary (I was working maybe 4-8 hours per week) and I had a psychological evaluation that cleared my mental health. As for the concern over finances, we did not understand this either. They told us that all of their adoptive families already have the money saved up. I called bull, but they insisted that this was the case and that all adoptive families with all agencies have this money. I asked why families fund raise then and was ignored. They also told us that we would not be able to maintain the match with our current child. This was the most devastating part to me.
They told us our options were to either withdraw from their agency, wait another year and re-do everything or they could complete the HS and we would never be able to adopt. We left the meeting in quite a state of shock.
I called out placing adoption agency on the way home for clarification. The placing agency social worker told me that they had been given very different reasons for why they would not complete our HS. They were told by the HS social worker that she was worried that I "would snap" eventually. They were also worried about Greg not being fully vested in the adoption process and me doing all of the work.
What? We were both so puzzled by this. Due to the fact that I had been on depression medications, I had to have a letter of clearance from my doctor about mental health. I also had to complete a full psychological eval. Both reports came back with glowing recommendations. Our placing agency reported that the HS social worker told them that she just did not believe the documents she received and that I had somehow duped them. Again; what? I was extremely offended by this and still think it is unfair for her to go against medical evaluations, one of which was completed by a medical professional that had treated me for 8 years. Greg was also very offended that anyone would think that he was not completely invested in this adoption. Greg has expressed his excitement and desire for an adopted child many times throughout our HS visits and is working hard to complete all of the needed paperwork with me.
We tried to fight their decision. They will not change their mind though. Although they have changed their reasoning as to why they made that decision. When I challenged them about the discrepancies between what they told us and what they told our placing agency, we were given the run around. Eventually they denied telling our placing any of the reported information and claimed the placing agency lied to us. They are saying that we will make great adoptive parents some day, but they want to wait to see how Gavyn does with the antibiotics. They are refusing to give us any of the paperwork that we paid to have completed by independent parties complete. We will also have to pay all of our fees again if we wait another year.
So basically we are out a little over 4K, lost the child we were loving as our own, and all of our hard work over the past few months is gone.
This entire story sounds made up doesn't it? I doubt I would have believed it if I wasn't living it. I assure you it is unfortunately all true. Adopting can be a very political and apparently we did not play the game correctly. It is sad that it can be such a game because it really is the children that always loose in the end. We were open and completely honest about everything in our lives, evaluated ourselves on so many levels, and have worked so hard to prepare ourselves for our new daughter. Yet it wasn't enough for the social worker.
It took a lot of praying and crying to grieve the loss of AnNa. We allowed ourselves to grieve though. We needed to grieve. We have prayed so much about what to do next. Should we continue? Was this God saying No? We both have come to the conclusion that adopting is something we are supposed to do. This is the right thing for our family. Satan uses many things to discourage and try to thwart potential adoptive families. I know this is what he is trying to do with our family and we will not let him! Our HS social worker told us that she hated when people said that they were "called" to adopt, but I think that all families trying to adopt have been "called" in one way or another. We are not just doing this because we want to, but we also think that this is what God wants us to do.
Our placing agency has given us the option to walk away from adoption or completely or to stay with them and find another agency. They are still willing to work with us and have told us that they feel we are appropriate.
Where do we go from here? Well, we have talked to may people about what is next. An old friend and former co-worker have been invaluable during this time and has provided much encouragement and advice. She works in the adoption world and I thank God for her counsel.
I have spoken with another HS agency and explained our situation. They spoke with our placing agency and have been trying to speak with our old HS agency to get a good picture of our family. We are waiting to hear back to see if they are willing to complete our HS.
We did not expect to have to re-do all of our paperwork and pay for everything all over again. This will be another hurdle we will have to overcome. I know we will figure it all out. Things will just take a little more time and effort now. Oh, and the waiting. Always with the waiting.
